"...you'll get to your destination faster if you surrender all the emotional baggage that comes with failing (or having an outcome that you didn't expect.)"
- The Freaks Shall Inherit the Earth by Chris Brogan
Perhaps you just take yourself too seriously, or are too fixated on what could go wrong. Instead, ask yourself "What's the worst that could happen?" You'll usually find the answer is "not much."
When approaching someone, there's usually a slight feeling of nervousness, of butterflies in the stomach. Like I'm getting ready for public speaking, or about to meet someone important of famous. Of course, it is nothing so grand, I'm just talking to a stranger. I saw her sitting on the steps in the public square, I smiled and said hi.
I milled around for a bit, talking to others, and then walked back toward her.
AP: Hello again. I'm Aaron, what's your name?
Woman: I'm Ming.
[Various pleasantries exchanged]
AP: Nice to meet you, Ming. So, I promised myself that if you were still sitting here when I get back, I would ask for your number.
Woman: Oh, that's nice. But I am here waiting for my husband. [Said without a trace of irritation.]
AP: I see. Well, I guess we won't be having that coffee. But it was a pleasure to meet you.
Grace bonus!
The quality I appreciate most in women on the receiving end of pickup is graciousness. That is, just responding in-kind, like a nice human being. Sometimes women forget their graciousness because they've been hit on by one too many sleazy operators—people who hassle, harrass, or ignore signs of obvious disinterest. But it's always a positive experience to be rejected with kindness.
'Tis not failure
And off I went, a bit energized by the encounter. Why would I be energized, if I failed? Ah, but I didn't fail. I successfully engaged with a stranger, had a nice exchange, asked for what I wanted, and got a response. That's success.
Well, that was easy
It was much easier than expect. As I walked away with that post-pickup buzz (yes, it works on dopamine, endorphins and all those tasty brain chemicals), I thought that the worst that could happen is...nothing. Well, suppose if someone is having a terrible day, you could get slapped, but learning to read body language will usually keep you from talking to that person in the first place.
Of all the bad things
...that could happen to you (injury, getting robbed, getting fired, losing someone close to you, your house burning down, etc.) getting rejected by a woman doesn't even rank. It doesn't make the Top 100. So why worry about it?
Go out and fail (or succeed) merrily
Some of the pickup artist books talk about the "one guy at the club" who just tries, and tries, all night, hitting on everyone, getting rejected over and over. Eventually, someone responds to his advances. I'm not suggesting you should be like this guy, but consider a little experiment: see how many times you can try to pickup someone in a day, a week, or a month, and get rejected. Make it a gentle sport. Have fun with it. It's great practice for refining your approach to people. As long as you do with with a spirit of kindness, grace and a bit of fun, you have nothing to lose. What's the worst that could happen?
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