I've read The Game, Rules Of The Game, The Mystery Method, and reviewed various other PUA material over the years. Taking in their ideas, I sometimes feel like a tourist, and yet other things resonate with me.
When I describe this blog (and the upcoming book) to people, sometimes I call it "Thinking Man's PUA," or "PUA without being a douchebag." That's because I think PUA, when carefully refined, has a lot to offer. Here are 5 very useful things I've adopted from PUA.
Just say something
When you see that cute volleyball player in the checkout line, just say something. It may be the most clever thing out of your mouth, or it may be the dumbest. But you have to say something while she's nearby. If you say nothing, she's going to ignore you and go on with her day. If you say something, she may brush you off and go on with your day, but at least now you know. Just get it over with. It gets a little easier each time.
Crash and Burn
This refers to the fearless PUA approach where you expect to fail. It's not that you want to fail, but statistically, you'll fail a lot of the time. Once you dump the burden of expecting, hoping for, praying for success, you can just try your approaches and sometimes crash and burn. Sometimes spectacularly! And this is totally fine, normal, and expected.
Time constraints/keep mingling
We'll modify the PUA approach here. There's no need to pretend you're some kind of secret agent who has asignations in obscure corners of the city at 2 a.m. But you can show confidence by being the first one to leave.
- Sometimes I'll do this on a date when I sense the conversation is petering out. Rather than try to force our interaction to continue, I'll say "it's been great to meet you, I have to get going/get back to work/etc," even if I could actually stay longer. If I want to see someone again, and they want to see me again, there will be another date.
- When you're at a social event, once you establish rapport with a woman, get her phone number. You don't have to talk to her all night. In fact, even if she seems to like you, she probably wants to interact with other people there—and so should you. So you can be sensitive to this by saying you have to go (if indeed you really have to leave), or by saying "I'm going to keep mingling, there are some people here I need to meet," and going to talk with other people.
In both cases, you're showing that you're interested but not needy. You have a life, other things to do, other people to talk to. Just remember to call her the next day. Don't just text.
"Your mouth looks weird when you laugh," or (to a woman's friend) "Is she always this loud?" are insults, sometimes passive-aggressive, intended to play on a woman's insecurity. Part of the idea behind negging is that especially conventionally attractive women are used to being complimented and fawned over, so when a guy flips the script, a woman may find this refreshing or intruiging, or it may knock her down a peg. Just like other PUA techniques, they will work on some people, but I don't recommend this type of negging.
When you establish rapport with a woman, if she has a playful or sarcastic sense of humor, and especially if she pokes fun at you, you can lob gentle insults, sarcasm, or teasing back her way. Unlike with PUA-style negging, you're not playing on her insecurity, you're just making jokes that fit the context of your discussion. You can also make a joke at your own expense, or include her in the joke. For example, if someone is talking about basketball, and you and Katsumi next you are both 5'7", you might say "Well, don't expect us to dunk. We'll be on the bench."
This is very situational. You must a good observer of body language and non-verbal communication. If in doubt, avoid making jokes about people until you know them better.
I notice this dynamic at Young Professional Meetups, especially when people have relaxed into a drink or two.
Simply the idea that who you hang around with says something about you. This is where having a good wingwoman can be beneficial, or just establishing good rapport with women and men. When you attend a meetup and talk comfortably with strangers, sans agenda, others notice this. You don't have to go out of your way to build social proof—just be nice to people. When others like you, women will notice.